You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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