NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
