How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
