she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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