you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
