Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
