i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
