Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
