No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My vagina just recognized that song.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
