Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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