did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
