I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
