Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
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the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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