Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
