My nipple is on Facebook.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
