is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
