upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
