She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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