i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
