you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
