Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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