There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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