Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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