it hurts more in the daytime
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
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Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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