Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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