Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
