everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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