No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's blow job season.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
