the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
