1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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