Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
