wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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