So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
