my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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