so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
