yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
