Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
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I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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