matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
