I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
