I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
