Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
