my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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