somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How does one acquire holy water?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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