I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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