i just sent this text using only my big toe
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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