Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
