I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
