The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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