Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
