We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
