i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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