Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
