If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
