Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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