I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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