she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
