Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
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saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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