So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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