I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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