I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
