she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
