So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
