Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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