I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.