I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."