I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.