Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.