I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
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I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.