So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants