Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.