Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?

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  (803): you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money? http://tfl.nu/t6x6
  Replies (18) Good night (5957) Bad night (810)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"

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  (254): You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution" http://tfl.nu/yos3
  Replies (22) Good night (6271) Bad night (989)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff

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  (303): I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff http://tfl.nu/0hbk
  Replies (2) Good night (2955) Bad night (903)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?

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  (941): Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket? http://tfl.nu/fc98
  Replies (5) Good night (1311) Bad night (1318)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax

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  (630): This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax http://tfl.nu/k33t
  Replies (3) Good night (1583) Bad night (837)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.

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  (517): my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win. http://tfl.nu/1toi
  Replies (7) Good night (1708) Bad night (678)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.

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  (615): I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me. http://tfl.nu/vysn
  Replies (3) Good night (568) Bad night (1017)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.

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  (321): He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF. http://tfl.nu/s52i
  Replies (9) Good night (1522) Bad night (537)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  10 points to you

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  (717): He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture. (1-717): 10 points to you http://tfl.nu/7e2v
  Replies (8) Good night (2252) Bad night (548)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.

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  (+61): The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over. http://tfl.nu/0wud
  Replies (5) Good night (1173) Bad night (486)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.

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  (413): I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket. http://tfl.nu/1du9
  Replies (0) Good night (530) Bad night (377)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude

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  (724): Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude http://tfl.nu/f4au
  Replies (1) Good night (478) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.

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  (845): I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk. http://tfl.nu/pg5c
  Replies (2) Good night (464) Bad night (1121)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea

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  (203): I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/mb1p
  Replies (0) Good night (393) Bad night (477)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password

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  (505): the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password http://tfl.nu/hr8l
  Replies (6) Good night (429) Bad night (168)

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