He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"