Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  did you get engaged???

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  (248): did you get engaged??? http://tfl.nu/bgu9
  Replies (15) Good night (1066) Bad night (2259)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?

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  (717): did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal? http://tfl.nu/l8vf
  Replies (32) Good night (614) Bad night (3362)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay

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  (937): I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay http://tfl.nu/llvu
  Replies (14) Good night (794) Bad night (5183)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?

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  (608): This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form? http://tfl.nu/l7lr
  Replies (108) Good night (1366) Bad night (4760)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........

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  (781): the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away.......... http://tfl.nu/eso1
  Replies (32) Good night (763) Bad night (8322)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.

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  (519): so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours. http://tfl.nu/o2pq
  Replies (15) Good night (4539) Bad night (1402)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny

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  (580): She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny http://tfl.nu/sg6f
  Replies (12) Good night (1068) Bad night (3223)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.

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  (508): the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell. http://tfl.nu/o2wo
  Replies (12) Good night (756) Bad night (5930)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high

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  (610): he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high http://tfl.nu/1b4w
  Replies (2) Good night (1545) Bad night (769)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body

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  (973): casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body http://tfl.nu/5oad
  Replies (2) Good night (583) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis

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  (202): I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis http://tfl.nu/lbuu
  Replies (43) Good night (943) Bad night (3350)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.

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  (573): Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex. http://tfl.nu/smrh
  Replies (13) Good night (1604) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke

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  (206): You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke http://tfl.nu/er3q
  Replies (3) Good night (451) Bad night (249)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.

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  (713): Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having. http://tfl.nu/8yzd
  Replies (1) Good night (205) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Update: It didn't work

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  (218): I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away. (218): Update: It didn't work http://tfl.nu/i66w
  Replies (1) Good night (191) Bad night (384)

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