Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Houston, we have a blender
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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