Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
